Ok let this Christmas be another memory!
After all, it was not so bad, I was lucky enough while in a blaze of pure madness and cocktails of colourful dolls and else, present from the devil, Jesus choose to take me to their paths!

Kind of ironic, for somebody who only few months ago was told and truly had faith he would be in heaven, food and lover for starter and more to saturation, I could go again, and more, like some hysterical magic spell! Scream my friend. No no no no no no no no no no no!!!!!!

But I would lied it if I ever say I did not enjoy sleeping on the floor of some dirty squat and wake up under some filthy duvet of some tramp, bless his 29 years soul, he still handsome despise the poison running through his arteries!
Despise the pain and his agony and dead illusion; he still managed to hold my freezing hands under the blanket, while I was shivering with hopes and broken dreams!

As a matter of fact, I would be lying if I say, I was ashamed!
I truly enjoy the Tramadol and the gentle caress upon my fingers.
I felt love!

The morning light, the sleepless hours, as we wake up to drink more and swallow more poison!
Did I care, not really I was free from the pain I felt for weeks and wanted to believe Christmas faith who care what it was…to these days/ nights, I shall see u again, and yes, there is no future for us, no tears, no regrets but chemical experimentations!

I am ready to jump p again the bridge of passion, as long as you are with me.
The gutter never felt so good, that night was the cosiest bed I could have chooses…
To never let go of you.

I like to think on the night of my weeding night I “fuck” the poors of this society and enjoy every minutes of it, if I shall be honest.
Was it to forget?
Or
Some new madness?

Take a pill baby, just remember the crude detail, how he enjoy his first “manly” experience with a men, your manhood who fit his mouth, to spit so much i Love you at the time….
Who care if I never really believe a word, we both know the name of the game!
Despair of the misfits!

COPYRIGHT@2006.H.NAUDET.MARGOT.

Black Christmas, seating on the edge of this squat,
Holding your hands,
I remember the flickering of the candle light,
Shout, shout, and shout,
Still I can’t breaths!

I choose the street and turn down the turkey,
To be in your arms,
To be warm again,
Wrapping in your despair,
Dripping from the venom of your future end!

Days and nights of pure insanity, it was…
Cloudberry needles and drunken kisses,
I be your heroine,
One more for love,
One more for another night…

Christmas whore,
My love still soaks in your blood,
So why did it feel so normal?
Jesus watching over us,
Syringes in your arm!

Like Spanish lullaby, you keep promises,
And I still pretend I believe,
Oh yes, I know the door shall knock again,
When you are sick,
One kisses, on penny to score!

You bought hopes,
In those difficult days,
Of martyrdom,
And some charnel pleasures!

The smell of your breath,
The chock on their faces,
The tramp and the man,
In blessing and love,
For a split second of ecstasy!
Popping stars by the hands full,
Forgetting the hours,
Embrace and in daze,
I gave you this first kiss,
Those ones man never exchanges between us...

My present, straight men,
Silly idea really, when u know the true is neither,
Gay or hetero!
Simply gasping for air,
And for more!

This is the most bizarre Christmas I spend in a squat with two homeless, two heroines!
I cry, I laugh, I made love and more….
If they knew, what I did, they would think madness I took all of me, but I know better,
By day a saint, by night the sinner who robbed you’re from your masculine virginity, with your consent,
Shout, shout, shout this moments, those are precious to me, one day to you, If I don’t see you perish in the gutter of this street, the same one I met you 1 year ago.
Suck a man! Kind of amusing, I was the first men you ever kiss and we both felt honour!

Sadness on the man with the face at smiles…
Happy the men, with the eyes fill with tears….

COPYRIGHT@2006.H.NAUDET.MARGOT.

“Last night I had a revelation
Somehow I have to make you pay
It's all about manipulation
And what it takes to get my way
I don't believe in soft solutions
No one makes a fool of me
Without receiving retribution
No one hurts me and goes free

I'll play on your fears, I'll leave you in tears
You'll never be the same, my friend
You're walking a line, it's a matter of time
You'll never rest easy again

I've got the power to bring you down

I've heard it said, to err is human
It's forgiveness that's divine
I thought about forgiving you, but
I want revenge, I want what's mine
I think it's time to settle scores now
It's time to set the record straight
You'll know it's coming, you won't know how
Or when, you'll have to watch and wait

I'll play on your fears, I'll leave you in tears
You'll never be the same, my friend
You're walking a line, it's a matter of time
You'll never rest easy again

I've got the power to bring you down

You know, it feels intoxicating
To be intimidating
It's invigorating
To see you shaking

I've got the power to bring you down

You know something, you see it coming,
You know I will stop at nothing.”

The soul like a leech sucking on a leg of the syphilis, such is those mornings as today, 4.20 am, I feel the urge to get up and feed more !

Libertine without the liquor, characters driven by pain can be so cruel?
The timing almost perfect, few words written with vitriolic ink the same way he has, to suggest….

But does it really matter, those doctors are all charlatans!
Dying from the seed of love!
Waiting to see if the bud shall infect the root of his youth?

Yes those lines leaves many questions which shall be unanswered till the past winter has settle to reveals his ugly face, in three months!
Those are the game of twisted minds!

Even the rich can not run from the decay of the poor and vice versa!
If the true had been the path for those words but it instead they find themselves struck by slanders, to falls on the medical field!

The riper in this instant does not have to be some macabre, shrouded in some tarnish long black coat, smelling of naphthalene, holding tight in his hands, the germs of love, who break heart and bring uncertainty!

I like to think of him as a she, like some young pretty whore of the eighteen century, running through the first meadow of morning light, holding a torch in her fragile hand,

Her bellied still warm with the passion and lies of intoxicated minds, she has given herself too.
The banshees of syphilitic ghosts wandering…
To pick their next victim!

COPYRIGHT@2006.H.NAUDET.DIT.MARGOT.

GARDIEN ANGELS VERSUS THE RIPPER

As I was walking my dogs in this gloomy morning, cutting through the thick air, pondering about my day and what need to be done and what shall be done, knowing the two don’t always follow each others.
The word monster came to my mind, thinking about the new ripper, has he been caught? I am always interested by the driven emotional impulses that drove somebody to commit murder?
Now, the rests, meaning the atrocities, the real and constructed details by the press do not bears much importance to me, that marketing prostitution to sells more newspapers, then one competitors.

I always felt, we have as a society created mostly, like glaze those monsters in the first place!
Yes, that a powerful statement to declare, especially at this time, when their fleshes are still raw.

Then mind kind of jump to my ex, the same pattern came to my head, why did it take me 2 weeks to realise what a coward he is?
Not only could he not even be a man and speak to me in my face which in the process took away any respect and dignity I had of the guy but it was so scared that he has to text, even the phone was too much as I would have been able to respond, so much easy to hide like the ripper behind a veils of deceit.
But breaking somebody heart the very next day is has been beaten to pulp to the point, one of his attacker has been charged with attempt of murder, that’s really below the belt!
Well, I kind of come to the conclusion, we all have one point met one monster, mine was a smooth talker and sadly not the great kisser he pretend to be, that just what we call be over confident.

It will so easy to show those words who cause me so much pain, but as one of my dear friend spoke, I shall rise above his corpse and dead memories.
And like the poor victims of the ripper, the slow process of decay has already begun and his heart has begun the process of putrification!
Has anger, bitterness, sadness is too precious to be share or give to cowards.
If he had been true, I would have a reason to express those emotions and bless him, with it, it would help his karma but as he was all along "trying” not sure what?
The all dream was simply a fabrication of his own and so, why throw into this broken mirror, my feelings as I did?
They would simply falls into the void his mess up mind is…and crash into his future oblivion, that he shall become a lonely men.

Over all, gambling with life better then ever, as mention something happens.
Whispers in the night, the banshees have deserted my room, to search for blood tears!
No where to run little boy, remember the cosmos, it shall fold ten times more upon your soul.

Shame I am in form to write but the call of boredom of everyday life is calling me and I am surprisingly doing well, it is quite a mesmerising what does the true.

Still, it would be a lies, if I did not say, I miss him, well, it is actually horrible to have to rewrite this, and I miss his “Tries!”…

I like to thank all my guardian angels for having looking after me, all this time and gave me new strength.
Maybe soon, I will have a little prayer for him too.

After all, after our first meeting before i gave my heart and soul to him, I did had some twisted sexual encounters in the garden of Sodom.

But then again, as I told him that evening of his birthday, I open the gates of my heart and gave him as a gift the keys off my secret garden, he got lost, too bad!

Or

Maybe closing the knots of those two thesis “ripper and angels”, we all have a monster hidden inside us.

COPYRIGHT@2006.H.NAUDET.DIT.MARGOT

The spirit of Virginia Woolf in these early hours of the morning could not have been more appropriate, as I wake up like those old mornings, so early the particles of the night still floating all around.

I know the disease has stop like it came knocking on my door, my heart has spat the germs and I can already feel my soul recovering from such trauma.
Is unintentional cruelty was the best cough medicine, I could have swallow!

And it is such as, the dream of a swallow flying over the desert of Egypt, that I shall get myself ready for this new dawn, fills with fresh water.
A new journey is about to start…

It will be magical, colourful and the sky shall never be oppressing but to the contrary, inviting like it is now.
Like a special nest for stars and butterflies.

I am a lucky man, a troubadour, who strength and faith shall help me carry this weight I gladly accept in this bless hour!
My companion is ready too.

Can you see Virginia, my eyes fills with joy of tears?
I wonder what Miss Woolf whisper in my sleep but something best is kept silence even to the mind of the secret shipper!

7.35am.
As the glimpse of the night come staining the deep blue with deep pink clouds, my eyes start to see the land expanding, I shall cross this place.
I am neither scare nor sad, useless baggages for the mind.

Time to get the last remain of my expedition ready.
I have so little time and so much left to do…but it is not what makes it so exciting and the blood rushing and pulsing through my veins?

In this glorious morning, laid on the gutter the coat of anger, fills with holes and long twisted strings, cover by what seems some foreign garments from which it is difficult not be affected by the stench of bitterness, all soaking in the curb, blocking a pack of slimy lies.

I do not have time or wish to bend and mend anymore, I am looking right headed and while the all scenery is not yet some kind of dreamland, there is trees, and grass, the sound of a river close by…inspiration is back has it had left once!
Welcome my son, you are about to start a wonderful travel. I wave my friends and know these are not ever lasting goodbyes, they shall be at the other end, waiting with trusted faces.

Because those are the same angels who visited me in this early hours, to bring the light back and the trust and the faith.
And it is that same light of beings who shall embrace me, the night is over…

8.00 AM.

COPYRIGHT@2006.H.NAUDET.DIT.MARGOT

Sunday morning, rising with the sun, the smell of coffee,
It almost perfect, almost…
Like some coffee shop in Marrakech,
Smoke blurring the mind of the deceits,
Black widows hand’s amalgam through the seeds,
With toothless smiles,
The corner of their eyes sparks with ageing tears.

Century after century
The same ritual, yelling’s like banshees to the …
Young lovers walking down the streets,
They freckle skins stains by memories,
Pushing their baskets to innocence,
Pick a seed ,soon to be two in a pod,
The amalgam of love.

Souviens toi for the death of one pip,
Thousand travel through history,
Crossing ocean and desert,
Some loose some win,
Hold tight the tiny hope,
Through this desert,
Remember the wind is here to caress you,

While robbing you from all pains…
Sunday morning can be exotic and beautiful,
Somebody smile,
Somebody cry,
Close your eyes and u shall see them too,
These old widows’ hands,
Amalgam of love.

COPYRIGHT@2006.H.NAUDET.DIT.MARGOT.

M is visiting saturday....

We forgot about us

Now our love's floating out the window
Our love's floating out the back door
Our love's floating up in the sky in heaven
Where it began back in God's hands

You said that you had said all that you had to say
You said baby it's the end of the day
And we gave a lot but it wasnm't enough
We got so tired that we just gave up

I looked at your face I saw that all the love had died
I saw that we had forgotten to take the time
I, I saw that you couldn't care less about what you do
Couldn't care less about the lies
You couldn't find the time to cry

We forgot about love
We forgot about faith
We forgot about trust

We didn't respect it
We went and neglected it
We didn't deserve it
But I never expected this

Our love floated out the window
Our love floated out the back door
Our love floated up in the sky to heaven
It's part of a plan
It's back in God's hands
Back in God's hands

It didn't last
It's a thing of the past
Oh we didn't understand
Just what we had
Oh I want it back
Just what we had
Oh I want it back
Oh just what we had

H x
thank u N.F.

FREEDOM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How can I can find myself again? I`m still the same?
So happy and so young,
As I seat watching you,
Flying by, motionless…
My beloved, nature turns my guts,
In these world, where I am not sure,
Where I am!

And this morning,
I hold my hand like a cradle,
To let my favourite feather friend (good joke, Oh well)
And UN tight the same chain, I wore or almost the day I open my eyes!
Have no names but your look and your adrenaline,
Run through my veins, as I was keeping up,
I told you with true and love:

If I was going to write it as a prayer it would go like this….

“By taken this chain with my own hands, I declare you’re free of my love!
I let you be, because true love is freedom,
I so wanted this metal link to stay around your neck,
This weight was the molecule of my feelings,
And to the surprise of the gods!

I was cure; I loved you that morning,
I still do, but we have not to be chained to the pillow of love/ misery,
So you know, as I took this weight/ responsibility,
I felt free! I knew I would be fine,
Without or with you,
I will not impose my love, my desires all I shall and are,
Be me, not some silly idea of the next big thing.

Looking back we have been so in love,
Maybe you think this or other,
But I know, I felt your heart,
When I holded you,
You know is home,
And again, I could be delirium,
But this love doesn’t go or died!

And last night, was the most happy night,
Despite it would be easy to carry the poison; I suck on all week,
I choose the nectar of one night and am happy,
As I am tonight,
May I will see u in days, weeks?
Days seems far more …delicious!
May, I/ u choose you never to see me again.
I have free myself And you see this bird,
Seating on your shoulder,
Singing to his heart burst,
Is me and I thank you?

I open my eye to a new vision.
I made this decision and what shall happen,
I skell keep a dignified silence.
I don’t have TO ASK OR WANT,
I hold you enough to know….

COPYRIGHT@2006.H.NAUDETDITMARGOT.

Forgive and forget,
I guess this is all there is…
..................LEFT.

i spend my day feeling sorry and in so much pain.
for what i wonder, one of my closest friend just call me to tel me, she will find out for sure tomorrow, she has been diagnosed with uterus cancer!
my problems despise still hurting like mad, seems so futile!
when is it all going to stop?

all i keep thinking is;
is it why ppls who love each other hurt each others?
this is the perfect example of us, little humans being making our life so difficult, why do we have to be so brutaly told something like this, to realise life is too short to waste it?
anyway, i least i can feel the true pourring tears coming to my face.
i love u marilyn/ irene i shall be there and truly hope u are going to beat this.
god bless.
Herve= j.d.Maggio.

Today is my day off and while so far it has not, being let say the best hours I have decided after having spending time to write with the most honest cells inside my body to someone, decided to try to write in my labyrinth auto garbage biography, a story, a souvenir who make me smile.

So while I keep swelling up the painkillers I shall try to make your smile my way to say thank you or having being so kind to leave comments or emails me privately in this difficult time.

As some of you know, I can write for England, ok, for Europe!
So where to start?
That quite a mental exercise to be able to write something funny when you all being is fills with such great emotional pains.

I imagine I could write a fiction story, but despise I like a good book, something in me keep telling me, to write a true souvenir.
Maybe because after, I will feel better and managed to have a smile?

I cannot say I make it easy listening the album of Sinead O’Connor “I do not want what I haven’t not got”….well I always find my gold in the gutter, so hopefully it will work.

You know what, after spending looking at my screen for the past twenty minutes, I still almost impossible to find a funny story, happy times yes but amusing not!
Saying this, I just remember something which won’t be funny if you were not there, but when I was in hospital on Friday, A.B my little angel came to me as I was half drug up with painkillers and he grabs my amulets which I had acquired not so long ago, call lei-lack, from Thailand the most (as being told) powerful amulet one can wear.
And he bends over me and took the piss in a sweet way about how protective it has been….
Me being be in hospital , beaten and all…so I replied, well, it is like a glass half full, u choose to see the empty part, I choose to think as the half full part being = I should be death therefore I do believe it did work, as for him, the half empty glass symbolise= well talking about being protective…
I know, it does not make much sense, but we started busting laughing so much, it was magical.

Yes I know pretty not funny to read, I guess u should have been there.

COPYRIGHT@2006.H.NAUDETDITMARGOT.

don`t stop beleiving, so why does my heart is whispering such sadness?