please ignore this email adress; agnusdei666@hotmail.com

but simply foward emails to ;
froggyboy2000@hotmail.com
cheers
Hxxx

NEW CHAPTER.

It has been a long time since I last type on this keyboard, to spill my guts…
But then again it has been a while since I, last, was here…

Yes it would be nice to say I miss you BUT I must confess while I did wonder in the back of my mind…The scenery was too intense to get lost again.

So I guess this is my first entry I look for to hear from u all, I was a militant who pack his bag and cross Thailand, to embark in some slow boat for 2 days across the jungle to Laos.

No electricity no nothing, just smiles and true spirits, Jesus, this was pretty special to witness…Indochina!!!
Stop over to the 4000 islands, where life has no change for century…

Time has come to move over, Christmas and new year eve in Cambodia, Sihaknouville on the beach, swimming with the little fish and fluorescent lights at dust…oh bless u who ever u are to let me see thisssssssss!

Time to set into habits and see Thailand again, silence retreat to a Buddhist monastery, free at last!
Unforgettable this was and shall always been as I tap into the knowledge of such beauty!

Chill out under the sun till the time came rushing to whisper in my ears Nepal was waiting!!!
By a fly ticket, to Kathmandu one way…..

Took off from Bangkok late February, passing the highest mountain, Everest next to the cockpit…Crazy place, I felt so humble when my eyes felt upon u peoples…

Cross the Himalaya to see Tibet, the biggest challenge I ever done, I cry on the top of the world, when I breathe your higher power, filling my lungs or depraved me of such things, as oxygen indeed!

You still in my heart tonight, this morning as I spoke to you through the slipping hours, it was so perfect….

And tonight London seems ok too….

H.NAUDET DIT MARGOT.

hello

time has come for a small updated. i arrived a week ago in Koh phangan on the south east coast after 15 hours travelling!
it was raining for the past few days but today the weather is back in splendour.
the island is truly paradise on earth, millions of butterflies/ dragonflies, orchids and some of the most beautifull wildlife, well almost!
as i found out there is some snakes ( i am talking proper scary such as Anaconda and king Cobra!) which i hope i won`t meet in my bangalow millipedes which i had the pleasure to meet in my bangalow, apparently one of this huge creepy can be poisonnous!
the joy of traveling...

i have been staying in a small and very basic bangalow, cold shower and electricity does not always works either in the island but planning to move tomorrow and rent a bangalow house, much bigger and i won`t be murder like everynight by mosquitos! i am cover with bites they likes my blood.

the local ppls here are lovely and warm such a change from bangkok!
i have met some english ppls who live here a man and a lady, whih has been good to show me some very nice places. i am actually about to go eating with this english man in some very nice little place which cook beautifull praws with lemon and chillies! so i will keep this short.
i am avoiding the tourrists and stay on the north west of the isalnd it is in a small village, which is lovely, water falls heaven truly!

Herve xxx

sawadee my Friends!

Jeeeeeeeeeee where do i start? well, i am seating in Bangkok, in some lovely "Hippy/bono" internet cafe where tomorrow i am intending to live for a while, the reason being like most of u know, planning was never really my thing and while it has is disavantage ( which i found out as soon as i put foots in Thailand) it is also a great way to change plans and get to places u never dreams off...as today.
well, i shall cut 4 days, seems like months already, since i have arrived in Thailand, got here late afternoon on wesnesday Thai time.
having change little travelchecks at the airport, i still had no idea where i was going to stay that night! so i pick up a bus with a name i liked at the time for destination, call Siam center.
figured it out if the word center was in it it could only take me to the heart of the action, finding a hotel would be a peace of cake, yeahhhh, was i wrong, well, indeed, while Bangkok does not have a center as such but many, i did managed to get to a pretty busy place think " Leicester square" !
it did not took long for a Tuk tuk cab ( a hybrid of an motorcycle and sofa on 3 wheels to kindly offer his service...

and god he did!
never trust a tuk tuk, they will promess u the world and more jewels then i have shags!
still, mine could have been worse in a way, i shall never know if he was high or simply excentric is the word for insanity in this case?
except for the fact he decided to cut short a road (and beleive me the traffic in Bangkok is pretty chaotic, to put it middly!) and drove on a pavement, the poor engine jump in the air and i was almost catapulted with my backpack and else off the bleeding moving thing....upon the road! we got off lightly, he loose some kind of sign which i guess at the time used to be his sign with the word taxi on it, these days more like a plastic thing, we had to pick up after being more trash by some passing cars, still, that thing could have been me, this was pretty much my first impression!
this guy tell u there are going to take u to some cheap hotel and instead take u to some doggy agency where they do send u in some hotel, which is rather expensive for Thai price, still, at least for 5 days i had the blessing of luxury, meaning, air condition, double bed, private bathroom and big morning breakfast, still, i pay far too much well, about 9 pound the night, i have find room today for 3 pounds max!

i am moving to the heaven of the backpacker in bangkok, khao san, well almost walking distance enought not to have to mix too much with a huge bunch of travels who behave at time, well, like me i supose after too many!
i was rather suprise to actually really enjoy Bangkok amd not to be overwelmed at all by it, despise some problem such as the terrible pollution, bad smell in some area, i have to say, i truly enjoyed the contrast of the traditionnal and western world there.
there is so many lovely market, if u like food stalls some nice ones and some not so nice, i won`t even goes there, let just say Bangkok is FULL OF DOGS! i love dogs but...
those are not bad looking stray dogs to be honest i remenber seeing far worse animals in north africa, for the reason, Bangkok streets are fills with food all over the pavement made as gifts to spirit house and buddha and the obvious left over, everyone eat outside at anytime, could be 3pm, as it could be 4 AM it will be the same, it won`t take you long before you find a place to eat for 20 pences!!! that what i call nice, i just pay this to eat the traditionnal Thai meal call PAD Thai, for that price.
i must admit the beauty i find here is due to their beleives of not harming any living things, i see all kind of weird things, such as most house as a goodluck have pot with live goldfish or else? and turtles, cages fills with song birds, one of the strange but exiting paradox of buddhist beleive, catching and netting the bird the same morning to sell it the same afternoon for beleiver to let him goes off flying, as a gift to the buddha.
Raphael i have some nice and exotic idea to redecorate my flat when i comeback.
saddly my dear Bitch Andrey you were right i do not think if i decide to move here my poor Minx and Moby would survive much longer! a couple off days ago before i find out never I MEANS NEVER to touch a dog or let him lick you here, i saw one lying peacefully asleep next to a stall of food, ( there is my point) i gently call him, no replied, pock him to find out Rigid Mortalitis had took tolls of the dead creature hours before! it has to be see to be beleive there is a ratio of 1 to 1 dog by peoples but still, i have to say, most do look reasonneably happy and fed, not skinny, well there are neither the look of perfect health it has to be say!
i was going to forgot, i did went wondering around at night late and find out as a rough guide did mention that we have millions of rats crawling the streets, as i nearly walk on one in my sandals and freak the light off me by running off to my own horror meet more of it kind, to play with four more rats!!! almost afront of me, there are also so used to peoples they don`t really care, well, i know now and do look very closely where i walk those night!

talking about night time, well, on my first night the tuk tuk driver took me to a brothel, yeaps Bangkok is Bang cock indeed, so many LadyBoy, but the attitude here is...so what?! superbe.
no asshole when it come to sex gender etc...
yes while i do intend to find spiritual path but i did wonder some place at night and find a lovely place call Silom , the Soho of the city everything goes, cross dressing, transexual, gay/ lesbian heaven but....watch out Thais peoples has i find out fast enought
like you and me, or should i use the word they use to call us " THE TICKET" i met some lovely boys who mention how lovely i was,how much they like your cock ( forgive my french) and anything anyone would love to hears and indeed after a while you will as i have been warns falls for it!....i means you are the king.

until, you wake up as i did after drinking wisky ( the cheapest Thai drink, a bottle cost in a supermaket for 1L a mere 2 pound ! beer and wine being the most expensive, so i shall refrain all together i think after my last drunken night ( 3 night agos) , i did end up in some gay club, more wisky, more lovely boys coming to me, telling me they love my money, i means me of course...all i can say i don`t remenber going home???? now i do not want to sound to paranoid but after hearing numerous testimonies like mine even today, it would not surprise me, if something felt inside my glass as i was gone!!!! truly and really mashed up!
some Thai boy was indeed in my room and i must say remenbering having sex with him, but i also remenber having more cash that night then what i had left after, never mind that will teach me...pain can be indeed a good thing!

as for my plan, well Bangkok is truly for me a lovely smelly place which i feel like staying more then expected it + the weather is very hot and humide, still, this new place ( area) i found where i am sending this email, seems so chills, nice peoples around too, lot of hookers, i even, find some true ladies lovely as to find my head turn around?

i have met a very nice scottish man this morning who has spend the past 30 year traveling the world and spoke with him, for 2 hours he told me of some wonderfull place to goes and i think, i will do the islands later when it is truly hot as the moonsone is still here for 1 month the lastest, so instead i am taking off from Bangkok to Chian Mai in the norht west ( the old city supose to be jewels for the eye) -staying in a monastery there for a week or two, pure detox, no food after midday,lies and gossips, stealing, killing or harming and most of all NO SEX!

THEN WILL POP OVER TO CHANG MAI then goes to Chian krong take a boat to get on the mekong river to Louang phahang in Laos and then i am not sure really.....
saying this December is ideal for NePal and as some of u knows, i feel this longing to goes there threkking, i think Dominic it would be wonderfull if you do give me those tips when you were there, sound like a great journey you did, the road of nepal to Tibet, sound like what i need it would be great as december supposedly still great weather and the sky cristal clear to see the mountains, himalaya i am coming to see you!

anyway, i am truly bloody tired will send this email later and post it in my facebook so you can always keep in touch there too, and i will leave a online journey there too.
i filmed some interresting footages not sure this will take my carrer off to the BBC but....

Ah Dear Sharon i think you were right, shall i ? i hope you will take the time off and come, you will love it here so much....come soon. will carry this email later as i am off taking the sun and have a nice cold shake, chilling out ( yeaps i know i am a kucky bastasd...love me too).....

BOOK 2

NEW CHAPTERS NEW BEGINNING, I LEFT TO SEE WHAT THE WORLD HAS TO OFFER...

Bitch listens!
Give more of this insanity!
Like if I was trying hard to make it,
Like it was some ink scenery, moving affront of U…
Such is the red carpet unfolding upon you as I type these words….

U sees Bitch,

Maybe we should think about going clockwise, what do u feel?
Like some retarded! …hum, maybe u should look better?
What I am creating here? Pleasure?
Unrolling for u secret worlds,
Bitch I am!

U hear me bitch?

I am already bored of my silly games,
Like a butterfly without wings,
I crash upon u heaven,
Back in god`s Hands?
Silly me!

This is not fun this is not me anymore; I am so so so, like some wings, like feathers, running along the current and deep river, Himalaya wait for me!
So we are again, poetry and agony on a shoes string…
But truly what do I wish?
I am so pleased while I still have the fear hanging out deep inside my guts
I know if I died I shall kiss u world with a smile, look at this big plumb this is my heart bloated with happiness I truly know wait, I truly believe…

I don’t want to hurt anymore, no more guilt, anymore…
So why when I look at u I see tears in u eyes?
I still wonder if poetry is not the only way,
To escape from me,
From all…
As this!

Back to reality and shallow reflections on paper,
Such is the screen of my life digital arts!
Dancing like dragonflies,
Upon such clarity,
Crash am I!

COPYRIGHT@H.NAUDET.DIT.MARGOT.

Margot’s Bitch.

This is Margot Bitch,
C`os u can call me,
In the middle of the night,
And I keep opening the door,
C`os I am u Bitch…

Sex spot on the move,
Sound rather familiar don’t u think,
As u feel me more,
Why doesn’t u give me more?
Is it after all not what this is about?

So look who is the bitch now?
U misses the train and I am off fast speed…
To places u never being,
Co`s u going no where,
Through the eye of the needle…

The bitch has turn to u whore, more!
If only u could handle me,
But u never tamed me,
All there is, me flying high,
From u grips and kisses.

Kiss my ass goodbye,
Keep watching, I like it,
When I see u tears,
Rolling upon u cheeks,
So much for disrespect!

Give me more, whore
C`os u bitch is gone,
As u read those words,
I am the salt on u lips,
This was my last kisses.

COPYRIGHT@H.N.MARGOT.2007.

So time is getting closer it seems to the big day. Saturday shall be my last day at work. From there I will spend a couple of weeks in France to say Hello and Goodbye to friends and family (or whatever is left off it…) no comment.

The past week as being such a strange haze…
I felt so much emotions and fears, wondering if I am about to make a huge mistake or truly let my wings open to leave this nest, I have been traps for such a long time!
Something today for the first time tells me I am taking the right decision.

While I plan to travel in few countries such as Laos, Vietnam I am most excite by the place I truly wish to go which shall be Tibet and Nepal.
Typical of me not the safest places, specially Tibet but my heart dance to the beats of the very thoughts of walking upon such grounds.
Himalaya shall be the mountain; I have been waiting for to let out that damned screams I have been holding for so long which has been eating me alive too!

I shall not forget the ones who help me through some difficult times in here, as I told them, when I send emails, in my journey they shall hears all the tales and see panoramic visions of the places I shall be…
Why?
Because u all shall be in my heart.

Right now, all I know am I needed to do this.
London shall be there when I came back and while the very idea of taking 6 months travelling seems almost ludicrous to me, after not having a single holiday for 6 long years! I works that 1 month for each year shall be what I need.
I will comeback to the spring, my favourite season.
But most of all, I will comeback with a clear mind and fresh eyes…

What will come after is not in my power.

COPYRIGHT@H.NAUDET.MARGOT.

Long has gone the doll it seems….
To be replace by some sinister love,
And the ballet of the needles…
How twisted it seems.

So it is time to turn the chapter,
No words, no hopes, no wishes…
The next few weeks have been for real.
And so there it is, I have made the move!

One more week, seems like eternity,
And everything seems too fast,
My mind is no yet set
My heart no fulfils?

But I am leaving; I guess something was waiting to happen!
I say “see u later Dolls”
I wish I could write,
Goodbye forever!

Next week is my last days at work,
I am about to quit all,
Re-mortgage the all place,
Got money in the bank.

Asia is the place, who calls me,
Specially, Nepal and Tibet,
I be flying to Bangkok by mid-October,
And hopefully in Nepal by November!

If I don’t go away, I will perish,
So I choose life and leave it all behind
6 months seems like a long time,
But I shall be free of all…

Yes I am scare and wonder,
Like the little prince,
What is behind the other side of the world?
Hopefully I shall stand proud on top of the mountain

I am going to let my scream!
I shall let out all the pain on the mountains of the Himalaya,
Yes if anything, I be free,
Oh my god, this is for real!

Ok, I am bored of prose and bad dyslexic quotes, I took a decision to leave this city, this world, this love, everything that keep eating me alive, stop!!!!!!!!!!!
So I gave my notice and next week my last week at work.
Spend a couple of weeks in France to say hello and goodbye at the same time,
Not that it really matter, after all, if u have reads my past history, family, blood one is
Rather dubious!
Thank god, after talking to my family of heart (my adoptive family) I know there is someone who care and love me still….
Yes to me, this is nothing like going travel for 6 months, backpacking and all…
No, I am leaving my old skin with an open mind and an open wound, as my heart!
I wish what I might find in place such as Tibet and Nepal, sound like children’s books, will bring the joy and the creativity I once hold deeply?

So yes I choose to leave it all and kiss goodbye this place.
I am afraid and exciting at the same time, what will I feel when my feet’s touch India?
What would I see when my eyes look at the Himalaya?

All I know, I am listening my heart and follow the course of what I am told, I do not wish to live in fear anymore!
I need to go before it is too late and I see the clock ticking so close, when I feel the rush pumping through my veins, and this is not me…
I am better then this!
How twisted it would be if I died now, after all…
God, Buddha, and my spiritual friends, I hold u dear, to guide me, I shall not expect but thank each days I open my eyes to this new world, which is waiting for me…

If all go well, be back in the UK by April just for the spring, my favourite season, with fresh eyes clear mind and detox heart!
I leave the garbage for a new adventure, this is not a holiday!
One can not call such a thing after 6 years without having a single break!
No, I am about to go on a journey, what will happen after, does not matter, tomorrow not does not exist!
After all I will have inside me, faces and smiles, and panoramic landscape!

I still can`t believe it, I am about in one month to be in the other side of the world!
I shall keep in touch either thought my website (www.crowpied.com )
Or maybe here?
This wonder seems so futile right now, but there are peoples I met and care here and wish to keep in touch, maybe I will post some beautiful sunset/sunrise, that for sure!
I always notice the sky, the stars and the moons with aggravations of sunset/ sunrises…

Ok, to say it all, in a simple way, I am going away for 6 months to Asia, travelling and hopefully find peace if not the wish to live again!
How I wish I could speak more about it, and probably will, as matter while I shall of course have a pad and pen to write my journey, I hope I will find the clarity to start an online journey, about my travel.

This is all mangled at this time, and I guess if u never read my past posts, it might seems a little obscene the least…
people cross my mind I met in here, who I still hold in my heart, my dear friend from America, who`s love for her animals and my little Irish friend who left for America and …well u know who u are.

Well, I do hope u read this and have a little prayer for me, this is the second major decision I ever take in my life, and the first one was to leave for England and tonight to see the other side of the world…
Well I guess it will be easy to stay and carry on the same old shit, drugs and doggy lovers, who call themselves straights!

But I know one thing, I have lost my wish to live, I wake up with the same dread and hopelessness feelings so I shall be one more time strong and leave it all to see if I find some meanings to it all?

I love u all, like my brothers, it is hard to learn to love everyone’s, but this is what I wish, to love my worst enemy!

So be it……………………………………………………………………………………

COPYRIGHT@H.N.MARGOT.

THIS IS FUCKING INSANITY, LESS THEN 10 MINUTES TO BROKE THE DOOR AND RUN TO THE STREETS OF LONDON, TIME FOR WORK , TIME FOR SMILE, TIME FOR MORE NON-SENSE…
I CAN`T FIND MYSELF, I CAN`T FIND MYSELF IN ALL THIS….

BUT SOMEBODY BOUGHT A SMILE IN MY FACE AND IT WAS NOT MY HAND OR THE MUSIC BLASTING IN MY EARS AS I SPEAK WITH THE TYPOS!

KIND OF FEEL GOOD TO BE BACK TO A WORLD I WISH TO BE BEAUTIFUL, SADDLY NOT….YET.

(THERE IS HOPE)

TWIN HERVE SPEAK AND CRY

There are peoples who call u friends how pathetic it seems we never even met or felt a kiss, which I am sure would have seals the love and friendship we once, share…

Those words hurt me as they might hurt u, I wonder if I honest?
I don’t even think u truly cares, I was a nice “show-Freak” I guess…

No dolls, no sleep, and the same old job….
The difference I wrote a ballet, yes a ballet, I guess it could be turn into a modern version of a picture movie or could it?

I had a lot of time on my own, time I cry inside, I felt so lonely at time; death seems like an old friend I could not bare to even comp template to these days/ nights!

I am free and so scare as there is not poetry no nothing, as u have guess by now my little bloggies friends…

I shall be back but not as often I don’t see the futile gesture of doing this anymore but feel more pressurise to do my work which is work on my portfolio, by the way, I think it will be this year indeed…

The twins have gone, there are no more records, we are officially gone, disappear, extinguish, dead or alive no one shall remember who we were….

One day I hope the true will come up, as I have to lived with it for too long.

I am tired and wish a hug a big hug and a kiss, to feel alive, I don’t remember the day somebody kiss me and make me shiver, u words on the screen did…but was it anything real in it?

I sound bitter when I don’t feel it; I feel nothing I am…
This is my turn and later is turn….

Yes we were NEWS ONCE UPON A TIME IN 1970 to be precise, remember….
Ask u parents?

2 Childs raised by a Husky, barking AND eating form the ground like animals we are all…

I cry, I wish for impossible thing, but it is too late.

COPYRIGHT@H.NAUDET.DIT.MARGOT.

WELCOME, WE ARE THE WOOLF TWINS.

Yes I am becoming this monster I have spend so much time, cutting into pieces and studies, how sad but in the eyes of so many I am , so well off, am I?

I am angry tonight, no big deals there is no-ones to receive my decaying moods so be it.
By the rule I have started to write a new book, I like to say so, as this is not a new chapter but a new bleeding B..K. got It.!

The all idea of this stupid bog was to write some kind of autobiography and well, I did I guess if u have the time and patience to reads by old posts, like letters I burns already…

I made friends and I lost friends…no a big deal I think of one in peculiar, he seems so keen so gentle and so futile tonight….in the u.s.a.
God bless America and may long live the oppressing regime of Iraq to do justice…

This is me with no dolls, with nothing…but hopes and dreams, and the drop of passion I feel…

But hey I will have time to start my little story as I have been let free…
U know who u are mister Irish men, yes I have finally managed to negotiate a deal and if all goes well before I expire be able to tell the true…the veritas!!!!

It will hurt if only me, I would thank the Buddha/ Jesus and whoever one wish…

My name is Margot, kind of strange for a boy I know, I will explain when I feel like it!
My twin name is Herve, we share the same blood the same hate and love but we are 2!

And yes we are about to be able to speak together.
Tonight I simply like to say, we are 1!

We shall be in touch….

COPYRIGHT@H.M.NAUDET.DIT.MARGOT.

It is good to be back I wonder as I type those words?
It seems I cross oceans and skies, sometimes watching my soul feeding on sickly honey stars while I could hear the scream of my past drowning into the depth of some
Lost oceans where the ghostly figures of my ancestors are waiting for me…

I took my work and sat affront of this fire where all dreams burn to the sound of some
Classical tragedy, hoping to find the small key of my secret box, to open the doors once again…

And I work at it, calculating the new metaphor while walking without shoes, fearing the next step, am I still walking or witnessing the miracle of life upon this desert land? Where I let this body of mine, rotted under the sun, brittle bones dancing upon the moon…

My old friend came to say hello, as I was about to close the books I was working on, whispering some lullabies to my mortal ears and it sound like….
- Forget about PI and history, time or sleepy water…
- No such a name as this, no such a place to live…
- Did you really believe there are no leaves upon this tree…?

and the wind came to caress me and all were gone, as I sat upon this ground, it struck me there was nothing to save, nothing to hold on, and I watch the stars fade to the oblivion I was swimming in and all was left was a tiny key like a snake waiting to hit me…

And the wave came crushing and I knew all was gone. I close my eyes and let the treachery of faith do is work!
It is with your eyes my friend that I see, it is with your words that I speak as wisdom as no name, no face or voice…can your hear, can you see…I am here and now, I am nowhere to be see, those are the words you speak to me, those are the sweet whispers of your voice searching for the impossible.

COPYRIGHT@2007.H.NAUDET.DIT.MARGOT.

Take me deeper and deeper,
It has been so long,
I try!
And the sun cum-out!
All over, all over…
To unveil my sins again?
I wonder…

Tonight is silk,
Upon my eyes,
To let me see,
U smile again…

I lied alone,
On sunset mills,
Broken dreams,
Like angels…

And then we kiss,
I still believed, oh silly!
Of me, while I get deeper!
Over and over…

Tonight is silk,
Upon my eyes,
To let me see,
U smile again…

One more hit,
The last I whisper,
One more kisses,
And then u died!

Touch me,
Make me wonder,
Is this for real…
Or simply a dream…

Coming over and over,
All over me,
As u touch me and then,
We kiss…..

COPYRIGHT@H.N.MARGOT.

Book 2…
It was never the end,
Just passing time,
Like water dripping between my fingers,
I am back, soon, I shall speak,
And let the tears falls behind.

As tonight I am a free man,
No more dolls, no more mask!
U shall kiss me as I am…
Lying alone, wondering…

It took some time…
But the scare was slow to heal!
And I am getting deeper,
And I laugh, more and more…

Time to sleep,
Time to say goodnight,
Darling, I was always there,
U see I am smile!

More soon….

So time has come to say goodbye, the clock was always ticking,
I guess, while I still don’t see much light, stay for a while,
And discover this place they call home.
And tears come like Niagara Falls,
As I shall have to leave behind so much,
Like a new reborn infant, I am departure for good,
To a better place, they say?
I shall learn to put my trust in his hands, the same ones,
Who hold me, blood dripping from our flesh?
My dear Sybil, we were for so long together,

Baby tonight I am dressing down, to neutral black,
And walk the long way to the cemetery,
Where I shall not only put to rest your memory
But I shall watch the earth swallow my all family,
A past, a life…
But I know there is nowhere to go,
Or so it feels as this time,
Hoping one day, I shall verse about recovery and the joy,
I never really dare to dreams!

So the first book has end for good,
And there is no pretend to try to reads the same old stain pages one more time,
I shall run from breaths, to be free!
Joy and serenity shall be my new robe,
My new perfume,
The food to swallow and spit the bitter taste,
I once had a brother, but it seems the end has come to put him to rest,
I wish I could change it all,
But time has run for me and if I expire,
Our story shall never know,
I lived like a ghost for too long.
And the cold breath has arrived upon my neck!

Live or died, whisper the clock,
The one we share so often, to wake up to some bizarre land of us,
Remember those days, we never had and some more,
Smile and let the tears from mother earth,
Back to the bones,
Ashes turn to flesh,
I know I am leaving you for good…
Souvenirs turn to blood,
But while I am blind,
I know a new illumination shall erupt in my mind,
Apart from you,
This is one of the saddest evenings of my life,
So many memories collected through the years,
In some cyber world, shall be close by Sunday night.

I will leave a link, to some adobe acrobat for the ones,
Who might found the new journey interesting?
I shall never truly discuss the past,
Like a old prayer,
All my life shall be like an old book,
Laid to rest till the end of the days,
This is hard already to write those words,
Time to say leave-taking.

It could have being shorter and simple,
But u were never either of those,
I guess I did hold the knife that fatal night!
I loved you in my way,
But it was time to leave,
And tonight I am simply digging your old grave,
And burn your bones,
So be it,
Disintegration dust to dust,
As I stand against this wind,
Just so close to the cliff,
As u ashes falls to the bottom of the ocean!

I know the formula,
Smile and laugh,
I try this afternoon, it work like gems in some cloudy night,
Like stars who was never means to be there and just disappear,
Remember one; last time, those nights, when we laid on the grass,
Watching shooting stars,
This was true love
But most beautiful things never last,
All beauty must died,
So darling don’t await for me,
As you shall make my heart CRY
U know how the tears flooded inside me,
On last goodbye, London doll,
Tomorrow, tomorrow…
Forgiving is not forgetting,
You were the dreams I took away the same one,
Who hold me in those terrible nights?
And for those times, I shall never forget,
But if I carry you anymore,
I shall died too,
And I truly think, you do not wish to hold this knife,
Let me be the one, who shall keep this terrible secret,
I guess we shall meet, when I fall to the ground,
So the battle of the titans shall have end it,
And the world shall be fills with beauty and love,
This is how I wish to remember,
So run fast to this place,
I won’t be that long…

The same lover we share,
As took a hold of me,
And to be honest, I do not know the beginning,
I am all alone, and shall be for eternity,
I cut through the skin!
I must let go, and breathe without feeling your lungs next to me,
Like some hot air balloons,
Going up and going down,
There is much crashes I can take,
So I swear in this playground we share, this is goodbye…

So it is,
I have taken the last doll,
From the game we both share,
But you knew it would never last,
Yes I loved them all,
Those tragedies shall be the board of chest,
But the king is moving from his queen,
The party has finally ended it,
Or almost, it must be say…
I almost loose,
But murder was on my mind,
Obviously, one has to loose

There is no shame or more fighters,
This new journey is neutral,
This is true love my darling,
Not only shall I live for you but most of all,
All those ghosts shall always waiting for my falls,
And while I shall not forget,
I will try my best to live for myself, please allowed me this favour,
I never truly love, or being selfish?
I want somebody to hold me and know this is real,
No more masks,
No more excuses, to escape,
It will hurt but it will,
In my dysfunctional mind,
Freedom,
The way I was taken away as a child,
And yes, I did loved this dark alleys ways,
But murder must one day cease,
Murder of oneself is hard for the ones,
The single minded watching from their balcony,
U perishing, so I am about to try to make smile
I know I can….

These goodbyes are lasting for so long but I guess
They deserve a book!
Shame I am too tired, shame I lost so much energy over it,
Maybe tomorrow, but Sunday, I shall bided this book,
And start the fire of the day,
It shall burn to ashes!
And like a geisha boy, I shall stand, watching the wind,
Taking my past away to the bottom of the ocean,
And turn back,
They won’t be anymore dreams, but reality,
Days away for this minutes,
The second is too close,
If I fails, we know, it won’t be anymore chance,
The game shall be over for good!

So my last words shall be for the ones I have love and shall,
Those words are for the ones,
Who still believe in me and kiss me in this new journey,
If one sings to wish me luck, will be enough if any,
It won’t matter.
It will be a little harder to start!
But any journey in the desert,
Bare feet’s expect the blood to spurred for a while,
While I shall never be flawless…
The bird cage has taken a decision….

Sunday remember, no choice,
This is not the end of a life, but an era,
So I shall be the one,
They call Herve,
Not Margot, no Elvis,
Ghost I can see disintegrating,
As I type those words…
Welcome to meet me!!!!

This is real love….

COPRYGHT@2007.HERVE. NAUDET.

The need for a choice has come, as I find out today.
There is no justice I feel, while I have been depraved for so long of speech and stay in the shadow, they have again falls for u stories!
I wonder if they managed to change his mind with the same sweet words they feed me or simply give him a hot shot!

Either way, I was strangely surprise to be told they was no need for detention shall we call it! Poor soul, (make me want to be sick!) want to changed apparently, how many time did I ever heard the same lies!
So we shall see.

At least one thing is sure; the choice has become narrow, life or death! He has decided while in transit, to focus on life…hummmm sound too good to be true, if one ask me!
From tomorrow, London doll has u like to be call, shall be no more!
I guess I have no power to stop them and shall reliantly give u back the space u made urself, but remember my dear H, I shall be watching every move, there is no place for mistakes this time!
I know how does it feel, I begged for mercy and crawled on the floor, did u come to help?

The program is working well! It that what they call it, the program! But as we both know they are nothing we can do, or battle with.
What was the bargain? U promise to secrecy?
Well, as I told them, If I did not find out u little secret garden, secret shall have been spill by now, I reckon!

Oh well, at least we shall be sharing one thing, the void and the ultimate price of what “we are and did!”
The next 3 months shall be hell but then again, I have spend a lifetime there waiting for u to rescue me and what did u do, indulged in you silly romantic ideas instead!
Remember without me u is nothing and when u type u next entry, u shall always see those words haunting u!

Have u wonder what shall become of me this time?
Oh I forgot u actually; apparently, ask for me to be…free, kind of hard to be, don’t u think, as u have always hold the ropes! Oh yes again, it was out of love as they told me…hummmm.
I could have took over and I have not say my last word…remember, if u fails, they won’t be anymore doll, I don’t dwell in the past, I live for the present and like I spoke last night for the hope to take over, u mess, somebody has to be good as keeping secret!

U has disappointed me again.
I wonder how you are going to cope without u little friends u know the ones I spoke about?
Reality I believe his going to slap u in the face hard my dear!
At least I have one step ahead of you, remember this!
U place is no irreplaceable! No-one will ever know…

if only u had no left me, we would have beat them to the ground, by now we would be up there but u choose to be so humble and sweet, kind of sick don’t u think, specially after what u have sacrifice to be where u are…
Surely, u must have spoken about u mistakes, as we shall call it?!
Oh no, after reading u little web diary, I realised u have only mention what was convenient to you, but u are going to come clean.
How is u going to reveal the true, when you could never handle the true!

Did you speak about the true reason u are here, in some foreign country?
We both know u would not be anymore if u had stay, they would have dispose of you, u were a little too much to handle at the time, do u remember?
It was no so easy then!

May let me sing u a little song to put u to sleep at night…

“Once upon a time,
In u blissful ignorance,
U was dancing upon the grave,
Of what u thought was memories,
And memories took life,
And find you,
Sweet dreams they won’t be many left,
When I am finish with you…

Anyway unlike u, I won’t disclose u little dirty secret, I shall be seating and wait for you to do so, while having sworn to secrecy…kind of hard, but hey, remember once upon a time, I was in u shoes.
The difference, they always put u first!
Maybe I should have done the same and run away b4 it was too late and leaves my loves ones, but what kind of person that would have made me?
This is the question I shall leave u with!

COPYRIGHT@2007.M.N.

Bloody valentine, spurred on my skin,
Like the old wounds from the past!
As his brother I wonder what he did wrong.
He had it all!
While I was still struggling in the gutter!
Flesh, beauty and soul…
Creativity is weapon,
All seems like a waste tonight,
Or to be more precise few days ago!

I guess he was looking for help,
But he forgot one thing, silence was the ring,
The one and only thing who shall keep 1!
U knows who u are, as u read this!
Shall I call u Mister Indeed!
Silly Billy,
My brother was always far too romantic,
But most of all,
Stupid and shallow!
So be it!
It won’t be here…
For a while…

This is my turn!
Like it or lump it!
I am in!
He won’t be so hard after they take a good look at him,
He will be a puppy again…
The one I fuck with…
Oh yes, I am writing this for one person…/
As we have find is little game,
God I wish he kept his mouth shut!
But then again, I never really truly believe his love!

I was the one in the shadow, so be it,
U turn!
I am free and u is not!
U turns and as u always says,
What come round go round?
So enjoy the needles,
And the perfume of their poisons,
So u mind turn to the child,
U went too far this time!
Did u really think, we would not find out?
Baby, twins, or whatever u makes out,
We are here to protect u from ourselves…

So mister Indeed as he likes to call u,
I guess he had a hot spot for u,
Too bad, is too late,
He won’t be back…
U shall talk to me now!
Have u find the name, date and time?
I don’t think so…
Or would have been already writing some idiotic story,
If only u knew!

Don’t even try; this is my advice to u,
He will be back one day soon enough and nothing shall be spoke again….
For his sake, be keen,
Or we won’t be so tolerant this time!
It will be easy as he has spoke far too much,
To break the reflection, u knows what I mean!
I shall be the doll and the puppet master watch out!

COPYRIGHT@2007. M.N

A day to shine, u wore the last remains of your artifices!
Glitters and cheap Jewries,
Couple of pills and useRlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllf…
So charming the man seating opposite you.
Did you ever wonder?
What I felt at this hour?
I am geisha boy.
Pains and pleasure hold the same kimono,
The same gold threads u having wearing…
Upon your work of art,
This neck so inviting,
To the oblivious of such blossom,
Like a diamond tear rolling….
I guess not so bad,
To be able to hold the same ghost,
The one u falls in love,
And this is not real love…
Look at us,
Dancing upon the moonstone,
Silver beings holding back,
Like u have something,
To hold on to be!
Oblivious, somewhere I got to be,
To feel so close from you,
And I wander, you still haunted me,
Do I have to sleep in the gutter to know?
The answer is there,
But the flesh is so weak!
Look at me, learn…
I can’t get ride of me under my skin!
Like some ancient memories,
While right now, I know where he is….
Oh yes….it hurt to think about it,
The arrows in his heart,
So deep, I in the middle of corpses,
Lying there, like me b4,
U promises me,
This is not real,
But I can still feel your kisses,
Your mouth kisses me like a real lover,
I felt your love,
Your urge, I felt wanted!
And I guess u just not strong enough to survive,
This, all life and love affairs in between,
So I shall be a geisha boy,
No tears no joy,
Beauty shall prevails,
I wish I will be free,
In the blizzard of the hazardous smokes,
Of us once upon a time,
I wish I could live this moment,
Again and again….
Soon, it will be forever….
Where nothing really died
Where nothing really mourns,
As we shall be close hands….
In the darkness of our palace,
The one, u keep repeating,
This beautiful stone, this carved tombstone,
This is US!!!!

COPYRIGHT@2007.H.NAUDET.MARGOT.

Don’t you love Friday night, symbolise of debauchery for some while upon the poor soul begging in the street, the shadow of making a good “money pennies”, maybe…
As the evening growth closer, another spirit shall perish upon the sky to land on Jesus feet’s!
Another heart shall stop beating while we goes on deceiving ourselves, that what we are make to believe I guess…
Irrational fears come and go…
For the weak minds, the one who know nothing better then misery!
I wish I could set you free but I am battling my way to that deep water…
Should I be ashamed I wonder?
Should I wonder why I did falls for the apple and the sinner?
Maybe this is what I really need!
His kisses were made of gold and while his clothes might have been stained with chemical blood and his mind cloudy from reality, Can I claim to be better?
All I knows you keep haunting me in my dreams, falling for the bottom of this abyss, there is no life, no future in our world and we would go to the bottomless will, where laid the corpses of those who thoughts they knew better then us too!

We knew we would jump and so we did!!!
I wish I could say I remember those times, but the rush was so deep that god hands came upon me and choose to shut my soul to any sounds, imagery or pleasure!
God do I hate him for it, as I know we would have been so happy one more time!
I lust for your kisses and your touch, oh baby, why do I always fall for the wrong hour?
While I know this room is still fills with your smell and we shall soon meet again, in some cloudy memories, I hate myself and what I become!

Sweet slave to your charms and lost mind and body, I keep trying to light you up, does it really matter of they might make of this?
They will say, on my last afternoon, my mother had a son, who was too young to leave this place and he will ask her:
-tell me about what he died again?
My mother had a son, who died it seems it was too much for him to bared the secret of his despair and in his words it seems it was too late to be free of those time…
Would you tell him, about his loves?
Would you tell him about what make his heart ticking like some old dysfunctional cuckoo!
Until he took his own life, he could not wait to run away from all those places, the same he lived for so long…
Love is so penetrating and devastating to the child he was once!

It seems life keep repeating history, as he was watching the ashes of his father flying by to oblivion so it seem to me, it took the same wrong turn, but what is right, when you born under the darkest night of the century!
Yes it was a bad joke of god to let him out and even more to let him live!
So what will you say, when they ask:
- tell me why he died?

It seems to me, there is no justice no god and even less some mystic empire!
I wonder as he close his eye, what were his last thoughts?
As I watch the ground swallows him, so many times, like some old pornographic movies!
This is so filthy and so real at the same time…
Nothing is forever, and forever he wishes upon….the moon.

COPYRIGHT@2007.H.NAUDET.MARGOT.